Another Rotten Story (cont.)

So anyway, about my story see...

So we left off with Xeno making up his mind to follow the band of ruthless raiders across the countryside. When at last the evil badguy captain named Aimvikedd came to town with his followers to pillage and plunder once again, Xeno just stayed hidden in the shadows (which made many of the villagers think he was a cowardly sparrow). He watched with fierce anger as his fellows and neighbors were beaten, bruised, and robbed of their income. When at last this merciless behavior was finished and Aimvikedd and his evil subordinates went galloping across the land to their hideout, Xeno emerged from his own little hideout, hopped on his trusty steed, and followed the easy-to-find tracks that were left by the bad guys. Now I want to name Xeno's horse. How about... Agutwahn.

You know, now I know why authors take a chapter in the beginning of a book to explain things. It makes for boring reading at first but in the long run, it's much more helpful.
Okay, Xeno was of muscular build (of course all heroes need that) and he had dark brown hair that was slightly wavy and went down to his shoulders. His eyes were darkly colored. He carried a battle sword at his right side and a smaller katana type knife-sword thing under his cloak on the same side (for he was left-handed) and a quiver of arrows slung across his back. Unfortunately for him he had no bow at this time for in his hurry to hide from the evildoers, he had dropped it on the ground. A bow in the hands of the villagers and peasants of course, was outlawed. So they had taken it away and yelled and screamed at everyone for they were desperate to know who it had belonged to. But of course the villagers would never give away their only hope for deliverance out of bondage from the raiders. Lets see..., oh yes, there was a lovely young peasant girl that he loved and wished to marry someday whose name was Marian.

Okay, that's good for now.

So he took off after the wicks and followed at a distance for days and nights. The local law enforcement at Xeno's hometown were furious with him and decided to take off after him so they could "stop him from getting hurt."

Then one afternoon, Xeno spotted Ye Olde Forest off in the distance. But then the Law enforcement officials overtook him. "Hail Xeno, keeper of the peace!" Xeno had never been called a keeper of the peace before and this quite flattered him.
"Hail Law enforcement, enforcers of the law!" Xeno replied.
"We have overtaken thee to bid thee not to enter Ye Olde Forest for thy life shall be in grave peril."
"Sires, it is my duty as a citizen of an oppressed village to attempt to liberate thee out of bondage from ye evil oppressors."
"KEEP SILENT!!" the head officer barked. "I shall tell thee what is thy duty as a citizen of my village!"
"Then pray, what is my duty?"
"Thy duty shall be to keep thy opinions to thyself just as thy fellow kinsmen hath done for an age, and to never esteem thyself as in the position to take any unneeded action against thy oppressors."
"Thou hast spoken falsely, to liberate a nation is a great duty to be performed by not only those who are oppressed, but also by those that are observing the oppression of that nation." (political agenda)

Oh no, will Xeno be able to continue his quest to liberate his village? Or will he have to be escorted back across the country by the officers? The only way to find out is... keep reading my posts. So Long For now. Peace out!!

Another Rotten Story

"Put a sock in it" he says. What a guy. I have ten minutes to come up whiththtjh a good story.

One day long ago in the kingdom of Werbahdguiz, ther lived some very bad guys. They would raid the local villages of all their riches and make off into the woods where their secret fortress was hidden in the shadows. The local athorities were strangely ignorant of these unfortunate occurances and did little to help the poor townsfolk. Then one day there arose among the peasants, a hero named Xeno. Xeno decided to follow the ruthless band of raiders across the countryside and into the dreaded forest of doom.

OH PHOOEY!! ten minutes isare up already! Well Mom, don't try to give me any ideas for this story because I already have it all figured out and I don't want you to give any of it away. (I'll love you even if you can't resist though.) until nextime, I'm Joe Fool saying so long for now.

Dumb Guy

Lack of Wisdom

Today I had half my wisdom surgically removed. So now I can't figure out why Mom put that picture right there and named this post "Lack of Wisdom". This picture must represent some kind of reaction to something dumb I said because of the fact that I now have the brains of a nine year old (no offense to any nine year olds that may happen to stumble upon my blog). But my jaw is feeling as if it has two gaping holes in it now! It really is quite strange all the odd thoughts that go through my mind when I'm inhaling nitrous. Like, for instance, "Why don't I just study Dr. Berger's beard since I have nothing better to do?" It really was quite an interesting beard with all it's strange coloration (black and grey) and all the precise distances between the whiskers. Enough of that for now I guess.

A Piratee Story (cont.)

After examining his helpless situation, Henry decides that the only thing to do is outsmart these vicious brutes with his infinitely superior intellect. Unfortunately he cannot think of any way to do this for all the island natives speak cannibalian and Henry doesn't know that language. Neither can he use his handy dandy boom-boom stick for it is currently lying on the bottom of the Pacific ocean. And I am currently having a hard time coming up with some spectacular escape plan for him to execute.

I guess I should start by explaining the circumstances surrounding his capture. Well, it went like this; as a fierce native was strolling along the beach one day looking for perdy sea-shells to decorate his hut with, he chanced to come across an odd piece of wood lying on the sand. After inspecting his find very carefully, he decided it was some kind of unusual weapon, and, being the kind of good natured native that he was went to see if he could find any more for his buddy. And that was how he happened to come across a most unusual specimen. Mr. Native was so excited at his unique find that he ran to the willage as fast as his to legs could carry him to bring news of his discovery to all the town board. They of course were very excited to hear about the strange weapon he had found but more importantly they wanted to know about his second discovery. After listening to Native #1 (lets call him Paco) tell his fascinating story, they all voted on whether or not to send out a group of militia to extract Henry from the beach. Following much deliberation, they agreed to dispatch a group of highly trained recon soldiers to execute their bold plan. Paco went along to see all the excitement happen. When the unit of recon soldiers got to the beach they were all flabbergasted, "Paco not joke." one soldier stated.Another pulled out a length of hemp and quickly bound the wicked man up with it. Then they all (excluding Paco) hoisted Henry's limp body up above their heads and danced off into the foliage with Paco following close behind. As soon as they got back into town, every living soul there was aghast. They had never seen such an unusual thing before. After determining that he was still in good health, the mayor decided that, since they were low on food, they would fatten him up and eat him for thanksgiving. (how horrid!) Then he awoke and sent the whole village into a panic for no apparent reason. And that is where we find him.

I still have to try and figure out how he makes his daring escape, so stay tuned for more adventures of... Henry the Cut-throat Pirate.

A Piratee Story

Once upon a time, in the oceans of the south pacific, there lived a dastardly wicked pirate named Henry. Henry was feared by all men, dead and alive and he was nearly invincible. He had the bestest of ships and an extraordinarily evil crew. He would often go out pillaging and plundering upon the high seas and send stark terror into the hearts of sharks everywhere.
Anyway, one day Henry's ship ran into rocks in a fierce storm and sank to the depths of the sea drowning every one of his crewmembers. Henry was the sole survivor of the terrible wreckage and was left to be tossed to and fro on the violent waves with nothing but a large chunk of spalted maple to keep him afloat. After drifting for days out in the middle of no-mans-land, Henry spotted land. But if you think that he could just swim to shore like nothing after drifting around helplessly for days with no food or good water you should work in hollywood. He had to wait till the current pulled him closer to shore before he even considered making a swim for it. It was a long and arjuous swim for him and when he finally got to shore he dragged himself up high enough so that the tide wouldn't get him and fell fast asleep. When he awoke, he was surrounded by angry natives who looked frighteningly hungry. Carefully examining the situation, Henry thought up a bold plan.

END OF PART ONE. PLEASE FLIP TAPE OVER TO HEAR PART TWO.
or just wait till I think up a bold plan for Henry to execute

A Few Good Stories

I am afeared that sharkman may die. I can't seem to come up with any good ideas.

Once upon a time, there was a lowly peasant whose house got burninated by a big, mean dragon named Trogband. So the peasant swore revenge upon the dragon and set out upon a fateful quest to kill him. Then peasantman got the supertrinket and used it to buy his way into the archery bow winning contest and of course he won with great ease and then he killed the Ogre and fell in a mud puddle and got his good shirt all dirty and then it's all over the end.

Once upon another time there was a little boy who wished for a better life. But unfortunately, his wish was never granted, THE END.

One day, the good king went out upon the balcony-thing to survey his kingdom. Suddenly, from out of nowhere came a big fat ugly... *GASP*... PIZZA DELIVERY GUY!!

One day a man met his doom the end.

Once while I was being dumb, I got hurt.

This is the story of a courageous young warrior named Xeno. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the battle of the green fields, and knocked their king golfimbuls head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And in this way the battle was won and the game of golf invented in the same moment.

Now that I have completely exhausted all my story-telling abilities, I must beg of you to help me come up with more lovely stories such as these that I have just told you. All your ideas are welcome... maybe.

A Story with a Moral

Once upon a time in the fair kingdom of braunmont, there lived a lowly pheasant. Then the pheasant got shot by a peasant. Then the peasant (we'll call him Ed) robbed the mighty king of all his wealth and made off into the woods were he was promptly eaten by savage mosquitoes. Proving once and for all that you shouldn't steal. You can probably tell that I have no clue what to write about, and the Sharkman story hasn't had any more inspirations so far. But keep looking, I'm bound to have some interesting story to tell someday. Ideas anyone?

I have a stupid brother his name is ben. I have to go to work now.

Sharkman Tries to Continue

From this point I am a bit confused as to where I should go next with this Sharkman thing. I guess that I'll try hard to make all you Sharkman fans happy!

Last time on Sharkman:( We learned that as Hubert was having a swim in shark infested water near a nuclear power plant he was chomped by a big shark and then he turned into a shark himself... Yeah.... Now for:) Sharkman Returns (although I didn't know that he had left)

I guess I really don't have any ideas after all. Oh, but I must discuss his superness more completely. Ok, first of all he only turned into a shark when he was in salt water (He was a shark on the beach before because his swim trunks were wet) but whenever he wanted to be a shark in freshwater he was distraught, for he could not turn into a shark then. (Boy this is a strange story!) But it was this unfortunate occurrence (or "unoccurrence") that lead to the construction of his notorious shark suit which struck sheer terror into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. Other than the unnatural ability to turn into a shark, Hubert also got a slew of other abnormal qualities about himself that I will list here.

The Superswim: This was the power to swim very vast even when he wasn't a shark.

The Superchomp: This power came in real good handy when he went out to fancy restaurants like Applebee's and ordered a piece of steak.

The Watersniff: The ability to smell trouble in the water from two miles away.

The Iron torso: A very strong torso (which, by the way, no good superhero can go without).

And Finally, The Sharktongue: This allowed him to converse with any shark he pleased (which came in handy dandy later on).

Sharkman Begins

No, it is not haddock day anymore. But it is the first time in quite awhile that I have had a chance to get on the blogger. But, it seems that I have all kinds of fantastic ideas of things to blog about but I always forget them when I get on the computer. Perhaps I shall tell you a story about the menny avencherz uv... SHARKMANN!! Dananananananananananananananana SHARKMANN!!!! Oh deere, I'm drawing a blank.
Once upon a time there lived a man who loved to swim. One day... Hubert (that was his name I guess) decided to go for a swim near a nuclear power plant. Don't ask me why he decided to do that because I really have no clue. But it just so happened that there was a rather large and sinister looking shark swimming near the same power plant on that very same day who promptly bit Huey's pinkey fingers off and swam away laughing. Now Huey was not the excitable sort and, examining the situation carefully, decided that the best thing to do was to get out of the water (a logical idea in my opinion). So Hubert swim for shore and save himself and, feeling a bit drowsy, decided to drive home and take a nap. unfortunately for him his car had mystyriously fallen off a large cliff and exploded. Deciding at last that there was nothing better to do he lew himself down and dozed off right on the beach. when he awoke, he had a strange inclination to go for another swim and, feeling nothing better to do (which, quite often in Hueys life there was nothing better to do) began to try and get up. But for some reason beyond his guessing, try as he might he could not manage to get himself up. But he soon discovered that rolling himself over and over was not only for children but for him too (at least it was at this point in time). The water was looking ever so good to him at the moment and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why (He also greatly desired a tuna fish sandwich). He was much relieved when, at last he splished into the water. He somehow found the water unusually comfortable and began swimming around. And in this way, Hubert learned that, over the period in which he was peacefully sleeping, he was also peacefully turning into a shark.

Haddock day

Howdy howdy howdy! I cant think of anything groovy to write about today. Oh yeah, today is haddock cleaning day at work so I must be very prepared to clean 65 libras of foosh, or feesh, or fash, or is it foshes. It is usually a lot of fun because me and Joel whisper and laugh at random foolishness and then danielle gets very cranky because she always thinks that we are laughing at her. We really only very rarely ever laughed at her and I don't think that we actually have in quite some time now so she really has no need to get so distraught over the whole thing. Although one time I did march up to her one time with a wet, cold, slimy fish in my hand and slapped her in the face with it, which of course made everybody laugh uproariously except for Danielle. Her face has dripping and had pieces of raw haddock all over it. Okay, so that part dinnit really happen.

Jumbled thoughts on my trip to Mississippi.

Todasy iejnhvklshoifvkjblnsedy... Today is my first full day back at home. As you may have seen I spent the last nine days out of town. I went with a group of guys from CCW, CCFL, and CCN (Calvary Chapel Webster, Finger Lakes, and Newark) to Mississippi to help people fix their houses. Can you understand what I just wrote?? Oh well. Anyhow, we all had a blessid time and I cant write good today and I don't know why. ahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! But I did make some groovy new friends like Joseph Frascatore, and his daddy Tom, And George "Humble" Humby, and... oh it would take a while to go through all of the groovy dudes that went. But it was a fun time.

The Imposter

Joe can't be here today. He is not home. He went on a long trip. He is in Biloxi, Mississippi. That is all for today.

Tuesdays

"Porridge today Gromit, Tuesday." Nate just made himself some oatmeal for breakfast but he dinnit make any for anyone else! "I think I'll get my own porridge." Maybe I should just make some yummy eggses! Or some crunchable birdses! Mmmm, juicy sweet. Haha, I am such a doofas.
Today is, as I said, Tuesday, and I very strongly dislike working on Tuesdays because I work with a bunch of girls that like to tell me how everything is done and how I always burn stuff which is not true (not that I can remember anyway). They always seem very ready to boss me around all day while they stand around and chit-chat like women do. "Joe, I dont want to do that job so you can do it, and when your done you can do all those other jobs that I hate. I'll just stand here and talk about all the troubles in my life." Then I have to train Nancy on the fryer which is really quite hopeless because she never listens to anything I tell her. She's always giving the customer vegetable oil sandwiches and stuff like that. Yes, Working at Orbakers on a Tuesday when I am the only Guy there during the day is quite an endeavor.

Killer Looks

Here is a self portrait of myself. As you can see I am quite a handsome fellow. Maybe I should go into the acting business. I am sure that they would give me the main role in any film I wished to star in, from "Indiana Smith" to "the Life and Trials of a Marine Biologist". Don't you Agree?

Sorry Brian

Today is tuesday, March... 7th? Any way, on saturday me and my friend Brian went to Brantling hill in Sodus to go snowboarding ( oh yeah, his sister Heather went too, LOL). It was quite frusterating for me at first becuase every time I tried to turn I fell on my bum. Brian tried to encourage me by saying that that stuff always happens and to just stick with it. And me, being all flummoxed, would always respond to him kind of sharply (not to be rude but just cause I was irratated and embarrassed at falling down on the bunny hill. So I think I made Brian mad at me for that but I really didn't mean to.
And then at about 3:30 PM I fell backwards after hitting a little bump and hit my head and got a head-ache and then I dinnit feel like snowboarding any more but Brian did and he got all dissappointed... Grrr. Maybe I'll go agian sometime and do better and not get so irratated and hurt my good friends feelings. Sorry Brian.

my life story

I am getting tired of cooking french fries for six hours a day. I want to do something else with my life now. I'm sure that there are millions of kids who feel the same way. If I was making $8 an hour like all the other cooks there I wouldnt mind so much but I make miminum wage, wich I guess is better than nothing.

Of the US Military

Today I would Like to let everyone be aware that I am considering joining either the Army or the Army National guard. Yes weep for me, lift up your voice and lament for my time has come to leave this wretched place and become who I was born to be!

But really, why is it that whenever I mention to somebody that I may join the U.S. military, they try to convince me not to? They say stuff like, "No I don't want you to get shot", and "You're too smart for the military". I may be too smart for the military I guess (haha) but... then again, maybe they need some edumicated... WAIT A MINUTE!! To everyone who thinks that the military is made up of stupid kids who couldn't get any other job I advise you to think again. The U.S. military is chok full of highly intelligent kids from all over the country.

I have to go to work now. Bye bye

I Dont Know What to Write

For the first time in... awhile I get to post something! Now, what should I post?
How about I post an essay that I have written. Tell me what you think.


Dear Editor,


I am absolutely disgusted at the December 5 editorial which stated that there are no military heroes. What an unpatriotic thing to say! U.S. Soldiers are daily putting their lives on the line to defend our country and we thank them by saying “there are no military heroes”?? That sickens me!
And saying that our military personnel are trained “shoddily” is a direct insult to all of our armed forces. I personally know three marines and I can assure you, they are not trained “shoddily.”
Also, before being too quick in saying that we are the aggressor in this war, remember September 11 (an event to which we all said “we will never forget”), and remember also, the U.S.S. Cole. We are not the aggressor.
One more thing, liberating millions of people from the grasp of a ruthless mass murderer is not what I call “morally wrong.” I honestly can’t understand why some people insist on lowering our troop’s morale.
Remember, greater love has no man than he who lays down his life for his friend.



Sincerely,



Josiah Teal


That one actually got published in the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle on Dec. 18, 2005. I was so pleased (although it did get edited by the editor).