Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Another Rotten Story (cont.)

So anyway, about my story see...

So we left off with Xeno making up his mind to follow the band of ruthless raiders across the countryside. When at last the evil badguy captain named Aimvikedd came to town with his followers to pillage and plunder once again, Xeno just stayed hidden in the shadows (which made many of the villagers think he was a cowardly sparrow). He watched with fierce anger as his fellows and neighbors were beaten, bruised, and robbed of their income. When at last this merciless behavior was finished and Aimvikedd and his evil subordinates went galloping across the land to their hideout, Xeno emerged from his own little hideout, hopped on his trusty steed, and followed the easy-to-find tracks that were left by the bad guys. Now I want to name Xeno's horse. How about... Agutwahn.

You know, now I know why authors take a chapter in the beginning of a book to explain things. It makes for boring reading at first but in the long run, it's much more helpful.
Okay, Xeno was of muscular build (of course all heroes need that) and he had dark brown hair that was slightly wavy and went down to his shoulders. His eyes were darkly colored. He carried a battle sword at his right side and a smaller katana type knife-sword thing under his cloak on the same side (for he was left-handed) and a quiver of arrows slung across his back. Unfortunately for him he had no bow at this time for in his hurry to hide from the evildoers, he had dropped it on the ground. A bow in the hands of the villagers and peasants of course, was outlawed. So they had taken it away and yelled and screamed at everyone for they were desperate to know who it had belonged to. But of course the villagers would never give away their only hope for deliverance out of bondage from the raiders. Lets see..., oh yes, there was a lovely young peasant girl that he loved and wished to marry someday whose name was Marian.

Okay, that's good for now.

So he took off after the wicks and followed at a distance for days and nights. The local law enforcement at Xeno's hometown were furious with him and decided to take off after him so they could "stop him from getting hurt."

Then one afternoon, Xeno spotted Ye Olde Forest off in the distance. But then the Law enforcement officials overtook him. "Hail Xeno, keeper of the peace!" Xeno had never been called a keeper of the peace before and this quite flattered him.
"Hail Law enforcement, enforcers of the law!" Xeno replied.
"We have overtaken thee to bid thee not to enter Ye Olde Forest for thy life shall be in grave peril."
"Sires, it is my duty as a citizen of an oppressed village to attempt to liberate thee out of bondage from ye evil oppressors."
"KEEP SILENT!!" the head officer barked. "I shall tell thee what is thy duty as a citizen of my village!"
"Then pray, what is my duty?"
"Thy duty shall be to keep thy opinions to thyself just as thy fellow kinsmen hath done for an age, and to never esteem thyself as in the position to take any unneeded action against thy oppressors."
"Thou hast spoken falsely, to liberate a nation is a great duty to be performed by not only those who are oppressed, but also by those that are observing the oppression of that nation." (political agenda)

Oh no, will Xeno be able to continue his quest to liberate his village? Or will he have to be escorted back across the country by the officers? The only way to find out is... keep reading my posts. So Long For now. Peace out!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Another Rotten Story

"Put a sock in it" he says. What a guy. I have ten minutes to come up whiththtjh a good story.

One day long ago in the kingdom of Werbahdguiz, ther lived some very bad guys. They would raid the local villages of all their riches and make off into the woods where their secret fortress was hidden in the shadows. The local athorities were strangely ignorant of these unfortunate occurances and did little to help the poor townsfolk. Then one day there arose among the peasants, a hero named Xeno. Xeno decided to follow the ruthless band of raiders across the countryside and into the dreaded forest of doom.

OH PHOOEY!! ten minutes isare up already! Well Mom, don't try to give me any ideas for this story because I already have it all figured out and I don't want you to give any of it away. (I'll love you even if you can't resist though.) until nextime, I'm Joe Fool saying so long for now.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Friday, May 12, 2006

Lack of Wisdom

Today I had half my wisdom surgically removed. So now I can't figure out why Mom put that picture right there and named this post "Lack of Wisdom". This picture must represent some kind of reaction to something dumb I said because of the fact that I now have the brains of a nine year old (no offense to any nine year olds that may happen to stumble upon my blog). But my jaw is feeling as if it has two gaping holes in it now! It really is quite strange all the odd thoughts that go through my mind when I'm inhaling nitrous. Like, for instance, "Why don't I just study Dr. Berger's beard since I have nothing better to do?" It really was quite an interesting beard with all it's strange coloration (black and grey) and all the precise distances between the whiskers. Enough of that for now I guess.

Friday, May 05, 2006

A Piratee Story (cont.)

After examining his helpless situation, Henry decides that the only thing to do is outsmart these vicious brutes with his infinitely superior intellect. Unfortunately he cannot think of any way to do this for all the island natives speak cannibalian and Henry doesn't know that language. Neither can he use his handy dandy boom-boom stick for it is currently lying on the bottom of the Pacific ocean. And I am currently having a hard time coming up with some spectacular escape plan for him to execute.

I guess I should start by explaining the circumstances surrounding his capture. Well, it went like this; as a fierce native was strolling along the beach one day looking for perdy sea-shells to decorate his hut with, he chanced to come across an odd piece of wood lying on the sand. After inspecting his find very carefully, he decided it was some kind of unusual weapon, and, being the kind of good natured native that he was went to see if he could find any more for his buddy. And that was how he happened to come across a most unusual specimen. Mr. Native was so excited at his unique find that he ran to the willage as fast as his to legs could carry him to bring news of his discovery to all the town board. They of course were very excited to hear about the strange weapon he had found but more importantly they wanted to know about his second discovery. After listening to Native #1 (lets call him Paco) tell his fascinating story, they all voted on whether or not to send out a group of militia to extract Henry from the beach. Following much deliberation, they agreed to dispatch a group of highly trained recon soldiers to execute their bold plan. Paco went along to see all the excitement happen. When the unit of recon soldiers got to the beach they were all flabbergasted, "Paco not joke." one soldier stated.Another pulled out a length of hemp and quickly bound the wicked man up with it. Then they all (excluding Paco) hoisted Henry's limp body up above their heads and danced off into the foliage with Paco following close behind. As soon as they got back into town, every living soul there was aghast. They had never seen such an unusual thing before. After determining that he was still in good health, the mayor decided that, since they were low on food, they would fatten him up and eat him for thanksgiving. (how horrid!) Then he awoke and sent the whole village into a panic for no apparent reason. And that is where we find him.

I still have to try and figure out how he makes his daring escape, so stay tuned for more adventures of... Henry the Cut-throat Pirate.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

A Piratee Story

Once upon a time, in the oceans of the south pacific, there lived a dastardly wicked pirate named Henry. Henry was feared by all men, dead and alive and he was nearly invincible. He had the bestest of ships and an extraordinarily evil crew. He would often go out pillaging and plundering upon the high seas and send stark terror into the hearts of sharks everywhere.
Anyway, one day Henry's ship ran into rocks in a fierce storm and sank to the depths of the sea drowning every one of his crewmembers. Henry was the sole survivor of the terrible wreckage and was left to be tossed to and fro on the violent waves with nothing but a large chunk of spalted maple to keep him afloat. After drifting for days out in the middle of no-mans-land, Henry spotted land. But if you think that he could just swim to shore like nothing after drifting around helplessly for days with no food or good water you should work in hollywood. He had to wait till the current pulled him closer to shore before he even considered making a swim for it. It was a long and arjuous swim for him and when he finally got to shore he dragged himself up high enough so that the tide wouldn't get him and fell fast asleep. When he awoke, he was surrounded by angry natives who looked frighteningly hungry. Carefully examining the situation, Henry thought up a bold plan.

or just wait till I think up a bold plan for Henry to execute

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A Few Good Stories

I am afeared that sharkman may die. I can't seem to come up with any good ideas.

Once upon a time, there was a lowly peasant whose house got burninated by a big, mean dragon named Trogband. So the peasant swore revenge upon the dragon and set out upon a fateful quest to kill him. Then peasantman got the supertrinket and used it to buy his way into the archery bow winning contest and of course he won with great ease and then he killed the Ogre and fell in a mud puddle and got his good shirt all dirty and then it's all over the end.

Once upon another time there was a little boy who wished for a better life. But unfortunately, his wish was never granted, THE END.

One day, the good king went out upon the balcony-thing to survey his kingdom. Suddenly, from out of nowhere came a big fat ugly... *GASP*... PIZZA DELIVERY GUY!!

One day a man met his doom the end.

Once while I was being dumb, I got hurt.

This is the story of a courageous young warrior named Xeno. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the battle of the green fields, and knocked their king golfimbuls head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And in this way the battle was won and the game of golf invented in the same moment.

Now that I have completely exhausted all my story-telling abilities, I must beg of you to help me come up with more lovely stories such as these that I have just told you. All your ideas are welcome... maybe.