UGH!

I feel like I need to puke somewhere.

Anyway, I may lose my job very soon. I got sent home today because my shirt is not shiny and new. I need to buy a brand new shirt for my job or I will get fired. I don't even like my job, so why would I want to buy a brand new shirt? The shirt will just get dirty in a week anyway, plus the job is minimum wage and there is gas expenses, tire wear, oil changes, etc. Ugh, why bother eh? I put in applications before I went into work today anyway.

My public speaking class was last night and we had a substitute teacher already. When he read my name off the list, he said "That's a very nice name, the name of a poet." Something I had been thinking anyway. I always knew my name was nice... OK, so there was a short period that I wished to change it, but I was young and naive then.

I tried to put my CD player into my car by myself yesterday because I was tired of being musicless in my car. I hooked everything up the way that made sense to me, but nothing worked. This is getting very frustrating! Music is therapeutic to me. I REALLY need to ease my stress and get my mind off of... things. I try to sing to myself with no music, but the music is what controls my voice and keeps it from going places it shouldn't go. Plus something about certain types of music make me sing in ways that I otherwise can't figure out how to. I mostly need the music for stress though... I miss Five Iron Frenzy.

College is going to be tough for a while, and not because of the work involved. I have no first semester friends in any of my classes, and not only that, but they aren't even at school when I am! Some would rather have it that way I guess, but it's still tough for me. The smell of the college is killer.

I really need to go on that cross-country trip this summer... I really need it. YES I DO!

Ramble ramble ramble....

Cross Country Adventure!

Yesterday I had the amazing idea to take a cross-country trip this summer. I will get a friend who also likes the prospect of adventure and we would take a video camera along as we drove from NY to California! Along the way we would have to stop and visit friends and relatives of course. In order to make the most out of the trip we would probably go out to Cali taking a northern route and return via a southern route, or vice verse. The idea excites me even now. Haha, it would be so much fun and would add to my memories for when I am old and dying. I really have to do something like this while I still can ya know.

So, I have to be sure not to get scared and decide not to go because that would be dumb and right now I really want to do it. It will be good for me! ithink

Update

Unfortunately, I have to start preparing for school. Classes begin the week of the 26'th but my first class of the semester is on the 27'th. Books are available beginning today, so I have to make some time to get down there and get them... yay. I'm taking Psychology, Public Speaking, and Interpersonal Communications.

My car is also being fixed in Canandaigua so when it is ready I will go down to pick it up and then go get books if I have time. I am kind of disappointed at how winter break went, I had hoped to do more and have a fun time. But whatever, there's always summer, eh?

Sorry, my thoughts have been rather scattered lately so this isn't the most well thought out post.

Oh, I have a rental car for now while my car is being fixed, but unfortunately, the rental place (Enterprise) failed to check the tires before renting me the car. My Rio has never been stuck in the snow, but this Optima got stuck right away. It has near bald summertime slicks on it >:( Now why would they do that to me?

Things to do in My Lifetime

I think I have been developing a more evident sense of adventure lately, but I don't know how to have fun. I need ideas for doing fun and maybe slightly mischievous stuff as long as it isn't illegal... not too illegal anyway, ha ha. Even if it's just driving around with a couple friends all night long being totally innocent. Now that I am 21 I can legally purchase alcohol, but I honestly can't seem to find the fun in getting smashed drunk. I have yet to purchase any alcohol despite the encouragement of a couple friends to do so.

Anyway, I have been thinking of things that I need to do in my lifetime and compiling a list. Here are a few of my aspirations.

Ride the L-train in Chicago.

Ride the subway in New York City.

Drive all night long and in the early morning stop at a small cafe where I don't know anyone and order breakfast (why does that sound enticing? I don't even know, but it does).

Visit London and walk the streets late at night.

Sing in a rock band, preferably one that actually rocks.

Drive a ricer (fast and the furious car) on a highway in Los Angeles.

Have a Guinness in a small Irish town (I know, I'm evil).

Meet at least one famous person.

Learn martial arts... if I can. :/

Fire a fully automatic weapon.

I would like to have a good girlfriend at least once in my life.

I've always wanted to go to Australia... but I don't know what I want to do there.

Roadtrip with friends across the country... maybe to LA where we will drive ricers down the highways.

Thwart a robbery. >:D

Make at least one movie, even if it stinks at least I tried, eh?

There will probably be more to come, but that's all I can think of for now.

Public Information

There has been a whole lot of stuff on my mind lately... but because of the sheer volume of how much there is it would make it very difficult to describe.

For one, I have finally identified the root cause of my pessimism. I used to think of it as a curse of sorts but I have realized now that I use it as a defense mechanism. By not allowing my hopes and expectations to get too high, I keep myself from falling too far and getting hurt too much. I also use pessimism as a means to get attention. I never before thought of myself as one who craves the spotlight... and I really don't think the spotlight is what I want. Instead, I just want to be noticed and appreciated. Someone else can take the spotlight, just so long as I don't get shoved to some dark corner in the process. Is that a bad thing??

I guess people use many different methods of calling attention to themselves, I just happen to use self degradation. I want people to tell me that I am appreciated... without telling them to tell me.

But somehow I still manage to make myself feel blah even after being told that I am appreciated. Then what am I looking for? I think I am looking for a deeper sense of appreciation than what I get. I'm starting to feel lost... I don't want anyone to think I'm turning "emo" or anything... I think I'm just saying out loud (or on paper) what everyone else feels but feels like they can't say for fear of being labeled "emo."

I think that's enough for now.

Congratulations are in Order

So on Thursday morning (12-18) at about quarter after 4 in the morning our family welcomed a new face into our lives. Lucas Adriel (sp?) Teal was about 6 lbs 15 oz (?) and about 20 inches long when he arrived. He is the first son of my older brother Dave (to those of you who don't know me) and his wife Leta.

I am only now posting about it because I am lazy and I fugured, "Why bother, the only people who read my blog know already anyway." But then I though that it might be nice to tell about it just in case anybody new stumbles upon my blog (sorry bout that), I'd want them to know too, right?

So congratulations to Dave and Leta for their new baby boy! I still haven't seen him, but hopefully I will be able to make a trip to see him real soon.

Schools End

Tonight, and as a matter of fact, right at this moment, I am at school and awaiting the commencement of my last class of the semester. Am I glad it's soon to be over? I think so, I need a break from it all. In another month maybe I'll be ready to go back. Until then, I plan on... working... writing stuff... watching movies that I have not had time to watch... cleaning my room... and so on. I hope I did good on everything!

My US History teacher also gave me a B+ (he said I could have had an A, but I knew I didn't quite deserve one... so did he) and he also gave me a 20 year old video camera. The kind where you put an entire VHS tape inside it and stuff. For that I am grateful... even though it's not top notch, it will do for now.

That's about all for now.

An Attempt to Keep the Story Alive

I laid my head back down on the hospital be I was in and tried to concentrate. "What was it? What just happened to me?"

It was a scary thing not being able to remember something you had just experienced. It was kind of like being blind. Then I caught a glimpse of it. Was that really it? Was... no, that couldn't be. That's too weird, nobody would believe that... I wasn't even sure if I believed it. "Let's see," I thought to myself, "I was at the base... I was eating dinner with my comrades... No! I don't believe it!"

I groaned loudly, partly out of frustration and partly out of fear. The man from before, who I had assumed was a doctor of some sort, came rushing back into the room. He stood by my right arm and bent over and asked, "Are you remembering anything?"

I looked up at him and asked, "Where is everyone else?"

The man's answer put me back into a shock: "They're... they're all gone. Your the only one left alive, that's why we need to know what happened."

My head began reeling from the answer he gave me. "They... you... you wo-" I couldn't finish cause I couldn't get my thoughts organized. Finally I managed to get a sentence out, "I don't believe it!" I told him.

"What don't you believe? That your the only one alive? Or is there something else you don't believe?"

I Shut my eyes hard and braced myself, "Both." I responded, "I don't believe both... either." I corrected myself. "I-I-I need to..."

"I understand." said the doctor.


BLAH BLAH BLAH! That's all it is!

Another Beginning Never to be Finished

My head was spinning. I could no longer tell what was happening around me. The chaos was just too much for my mind to take in. Everything went dark.

I woke up in a white room, surrounded by men in coats rushing to and fro above me. I was laying on my back on a white mattress with an IV in my arm. "What happened?" I wondered to myself. The time was unknown to me and I had no idea how long I had been unconscious. One of the men noticed I was awake and rushed to my side.

"Sir," he began, "can you tell me what happened?"

I looked up at him slowly, my eyes blinded by the lights above me. I said nothing, I just stared. I still was trying to make sense of it all. I didn't even know where I was, how was I to know what happened?

"Sir, can you hear me?" the man continued. "If you can hear me, blink your eyes."

I tried to understand what he was talking about, but it was hard. I finally managed to blink my eyes twice. The man repeated his first question, "Sir, can you tell me what happened?"

Another man came to his side and looked intently at my face. He must have seen the confusion in my eyes because he told the first man to let me rest and ask me again later to see if I was more aware of what was happening. Both men left and I was left to wonder what they were talking about. "Why couldn't I remember anything? Why were they so interested anyway? Where was I?" My thought echoed deep within me, and I hoped, or did I fear that I should remember them soon.

jhdf

Next week I will be done with school for the semester... yay?

Probably No Good

This is probably a bunch of nonsense... but I wrote it in 10 minutes last night.

My mind is bleeding from the overwhelming senses / how can it be I am left so defenseless?/ These thoughts that invade me with all the wrong timing / this pain that pervades and infects and is binding / slowly begin to succumb to the feeling / of being so lonely at times so revealing / Numbed to the insults and lies that surround me / my every effort to love it is drowning.

Climbing up mountains but falling back down / all of the while never leaving the ground / Reaching up high / but being pulled lower / my fate it does seem is to be ever poorer /
My eyesight gone bad with my mind in a blur / Why can’t I seem to get out of this slur / of rejection and feeling that there’s nothing left / but to just sit and wonder if worse will come next.

I try to continue I’m met with defeat / why must this life be so filled with my grief /
Cornered at last and with nowhere to turn / I gaze heavenward and my heart starts to yearn / Why for so long did I not even see / what I was looking for was right in front of me / At last hope was grasped and life was renewed / and my soul was no longer twisted or skewed.

It still needs a few revisions....

Love and Marriage

It seems to be that my Sociology class on Monday nights is never lacking in lively discussions. Last night, the discussion revolved mostly around the topic of the family. Issues ranged from Polygamy to "hitting" children. The discussion I found the most... interesting was on love and marriage. The claim was that in societies where love is the main reason behind marriages, the divorce rate is higher. In societies with arranged marriages, the divorce rate is considerably lower.

I will now take a minute to say that this post may be a little edgy... meaning for more mature... how do I say this? Not for little people! There we go.

While my professor did acknowledge the fact that in most societies with arranged marriages, divorce is illegal, he still seemed to press the idea that maybe marriage because of love was the big issue behind the higher divorce rates. Also presented was the idea that marriage for love was a relatively new concept (I disagree, but I didn't say why).

But could there be another reason the divorce rate is so high that is going unnoticed?

Here is my take on the situation; what are we falling in love with as a society? I once heard a lively discussion on a local radio station about how stupid it was to wait until after marriage to... yeah, that. The DJ's likened it to buying a car before taking it for a test drive. I was completely dumbfounded! So this is what the popular ideas of the day are??

OK, so on the more obvious side, people are not cars, I want to stress this point. This analogy - which is evidently more widespread than I imagined - is completely bogus. You get to know a car by taking it for a test drive. You get to know people by spending time with them.

My thoughts were much more organized last night. :/

So, what are we falling in love with in this society, the "test drive"? I think so. That is why the divorce rate is so high; people fall in love with the "test drive" and they don't know who they are marrying. After marriage, the high wears off and then the realization sets in: "Oh boy, I married a jerk!"
"Well if you had waited, and instead taken the time to get to know the person, maybe you would have known that before you got married, eh?"

Wow, so when the Bible instructs us to wait until after marriage to have sex, it's not just being old fashioned, it's being logical! Now there's a new concept! (sarcasm)
Actually, the reasons for this instruction are many, and all of them are logical.

Now is this the sole reason for divorces? No, of course not. But if people would just realize the benefits of waiting, it is my firm belief that the divorce rate (no matter which one you look at) will plummet. Or maybe I'm just being old fashioned and legalistic.

I had some other points to make, but I have to leave now.

Quote of the Day

"I am a pessimist. When I realize this, I briefly become an optimist. Then I realize that I am wrong."
-Me

Ouch!

Today, and for some of yesterday as well, I have had a problem with my right upper wisdom tooth. It seems it is growing in sideways and is beginning to penetrate my cheek. This is painful. Do I have any dental coverage?

nothing good

Yes, for some reason I cannot think of anything that I want to post on the internet for all to see right now (except for this) but I just wanted to say that I cannot do that little 6th picture of the 6th folder thing when I don't even have any pictures... I'm sorry Aunt Priscilla. :(

Fan Appreciation Day

Dear fans,
I write to you today to express my deepest gratitude for your unwavering devotion to my ramblings. I wanted to take this moment to say thank you, thank you for your support and all the kind words you have expressed to me over the course of the last two and 2/3 years I have been blogging. Times have been tough in the past, but you had faith in me, and for that I thank you, you have been an unending inspiration to me and the source of many revelations.

Insincerely - Josiah Teal


That is a joke, just in case you were wondering. I wanted to see if I could write a convincing letter of appreciation... did it work?

Actually, I wrote that because I was in the mood for writing but didn't know what to write about. Oh! How about this:

Recently, I began work on a cheesy tale of goofiness for fun and stuff. It is the story of The Christmas Ogre and it will awe, inspire, amuse, and bring comfort to all who are unfortunate enough to read its dreadful pages. About... 2-3-4 years ago, me and my younger brother Ben began writing one but it has since been lost to the fog of time. So I began writing a new one. I hope it is good... I hope this post is not completely pointless and boring :(

Veterans Day

Seeing as it is now the 90th anniversary of Armistice Day, I would like to take a minute to honor all of the American veterans who have put their lives at risk to keep us safe. I also think of those who did not serve in active combat but rather spent their time fixing broken plane and tanks and such, and those who fixed the broken soldiers. I am a big fan of our military and I believe that our soldiers should be respected.

Anywho, again, thank you all you veterans and those currently serving, whether you saw action or not, your work is appreciated by me. Now let me see if I can find a nice picture to swipe.



I think that is a good one.

No Title

New post on my story blog, I hope you will take a few minutes and take a peek :)

Is America the Villain?

One thing that has been on my mind lately: Is America the villain?

When we watch movies and TV we often come across a story in which the big governing body is being a menace to other nations, like The Alliance in Serenity/Firefly, the Empire in Star Wars, and even in real history, Germany in WWII, and Britain during our fight for independence between the years 1776 and 1783.
Do other nations envision our soldiers as Storm Troopers?

Reasons for Past Conflicts

All one really needs to do in this case is look at what we have fought for in the past; WWII, to stop the spread of evil in Europe and (while also protecting our own interests) liberate nations conquered by the Nazi War Machine; Vietnam, to quell the spread of communism; Gulf War, to protect a small country while also protecting our oil interests; the War in Iraq, to liberate an oppressed people and to fight terror.

Occupations

One must remember also that occupations are often present after a war. This is to ensure that utter chaos does not ensue as a result of an overthrown government and the establishment of a replacement government. If, when Germany was defeated in WWII, we left them to fend for themselves, we would have done little to prevent the wrong person from coming to power in a time of chaos... this gets complicated.

Unfortunately, occupations can also yield some of the worst sides of people. Murder and vandalism often result after the conquering soldiers become more relaxed and less disciplined. They will drive tanks over cars and do other unspeakable things. One must remember that these are the actions of individuals who make bad choices, not the government itself.

The Good Side of America

Despite our more selfish (so to speak) reasons for becoming involved in some past wars, I find it hard to imagine the U.S. as a villain. We have liberated people and countries, we have helped to spread democracy and overthrow murderous dictatorships, and shielded other nations from falling into the hands of people such as Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein (let's be clear that these were bad people, killing innocent people for ethnic cleansing or for sport is bad. No matter where you are from, this is wrong). We are the most generous nation on the planet. We give more to foreign aid and relief efforts abroad than any other nation and that is a fact.

The Other Side of America

So why do some countries label us as the villain? Some things that come to mind are Hiroshima and Nagasaki, we dropped the atomic bomb on both of these cities in August, 1945. These were cities populated with non-combatants. In the mind of most of the world this was terrorism. Although this was not one of the proudest points in American history, many point to the idea that WWII would have lasted much longer and claimed many more lives if it did not happen. Slavery in America is another issue, although the nation was at one time completely divided over it, some nations still scoff at America for having practiced it. Is there slavery in America now? We have sad points in our history yes, but so do all nations.

My Conclusion

After contemplating various issues on the subject, I have decided that our Marines are not the equivalent of Nazis or Storm Troopers, and our leadership is not (not yet) the same as Hitler or Darth Vader. I think an unbiased look at the facts of history and where America currently stands will show, America is not the villain.

I think that pretty much covers it.

Two Different Posts in One!

So as I logged in to my blog this morning I noticed something unusual at the top of the page. My adsense was no longer present. Confused, I quickly checked my E-mail to find that google had disabled my account. The reason was unspecified, but I think it was because it was doing rather well this month, bringing in about $25-$30. I had feared that this may happen; I had read the testaments of several people who were very upset at the fact that their accounts had been dissabled right before their first check would be sent to them. I guess that's is what happens though.... Maybe it was because I mentioned my ads in the last post... I didn't think that was illegal, in fact, it isn't.



Anyway, what I was going to blog about was, of course, political. It is that time.

I think at the top of my list of reasons not to vote for Barrack Obama would be because of what we like to call National Security, as demonstrated in the following video clip.




That's about all I can say there... but wait, theres more.

1. Obama is sympethetic with our enemies.
2. Our enemies like Obama and want him to win the election.
3. Obama want's to disarm America and Americans.
4. Obama is not a fan of America.

Why would we let him become president??
CHANGE! Yay, let's change!

Please define this change Mr. Obama.